A recent news article (see link here) covered a study that indicates, there is a 36% rise in the number of male smokers in the 15-69 age group in India, from 1998 to 2015. And that too with all the media attention, warnings on packets, ads in movie theatres / radio / TV and the rising taxes on cigarettes / tobacco.
Tobacco use and the factors that cause people to get addicted to it - is a vast topic worthy of a debate. But what articles like this one, and the behaviour of some of the people I have come across indicates, is that there are quite a lot of people who don't care even about themselves. Whether the cause is an unhappy childhood, health issues, past incidents or the social environment - it still seems like a major issue to me. Have you ever wondered?
I have seen people blindly acting as per their parents / teachers / superior's instructions, even if it were completely against their own wishes. I have seen people sacrifice their happiness for family, friends even at the cost of their own joy and self-worth. No, I am not talking about the dutiful Bahu of our Saas-Bahu operas - they seem to be God's own children and are truly fictional. And I am not talking about the great leaders and patriots who have served the country - they did so willingly and happily.
I am talking about the child who does not paint, because the parents don't like it. I am talking about the youth who chooses the occupation his family and friends appreciate. I am talking about the lady who dresses as per her in-laws wishes. These are mundane examples, the level of self deprivation that some people go to; you and I can only imagine. What causes such low self esteem or self-depriving behaviour?
Psychology, psychiatry has suggested some answers about the behaviour of people. One interesting theory is that of Transactional Analysis by Eric Berne. It talks about different ego states within the person - parent, child and adult. In parent ego state, people behave the way they have been programmed since childhood - things they have learnt from their parents, family when young. In the child ego state, people respond the way a child would - spontaneously. In the adult ego state, people act rationally - they can identify right from wrong, differentiate between what has always been done and what is logically correct - what can be called the ideal ego state.
Further on, it describes how Parent ego state can be nurturing or critical and how Child ego state can be spontaneous or adapted - all depending upon the person's childhood. If a parent has been extra caring regarding your health, you grow up to be health conscious. If a parent is critical about your talensts, you grow up doubting yourself. Until the time you stop to think and wonder why you do some of the things you do.
An essential exercise when we step into adulthood - activating our thinking wheels. And identifying the reasons behind the things we absolutely love or completely hate - the base behind our strongest opinions and emotions. If we do not get into the habit of questioning ourselves, we do what others have taught us - automatically and often inadequately. It is a matter of our intellectual and spiritual growth - taking good care of our own selves.
One can say that so much of the personality gets shaped in childhood that it proves that good parenting is essential for a person's overall growth. But the individual kicks in somewhere during the growth period - whether or not the circumstances are ideal, you will find good, strong people emerging from them. It is a choice we make for ourselves - to be the way we want to be.
Related Links:
- Transactional Analysis - Wikipedia
- I'm OK, You're OK - Thomas Harris, wiki-link
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